( Trigger warning: This story involves sexual abuse of a child. While I suppose every story on the site could have trigger warnings, this one seemed to justify me notifying readers in advance. This is the second story that made me cry publishing it.)
Please share what happened to you:
I’m the Comeback Kid and so begins my story. I was born Jan. 1976, to two young parents. My mother was 15 and my father was 19 when I came into the world. They both dropped out of high school and were forced to get married, (“shotgun marriage”), because they were so young and had me. My father immediately stepped up, got a good job, and took care of my mother and I. Everything was perfect…or was it?
The first 5 years of my childhood were absolutely perfect. When I turned 6 my world completely turned upside-down. I was a happy child, not scared of anyone or anything, until one night, very late into the night my father came into my room to “check on me and tuck me in”! It began as just that, then the tucking in became pulling the covers back a little and him telling me, “everything is ok but he needed to make sure my chest and belly were ok”, and “don’t tell mommy or she will get mad at you”. It started with the fondling and caressing from top of my head, to breasts, to stomach. Each night was the same, he would come in, I would be scared and pull the blanket over my head, because I knew something wasn’t right, but I was only 6 and I thought that’s what daddy’s were supposed to do. He would make sure my mom was asleep, come into my room, and push toys in front of my door in case my mom did wake up, to give him a chance to stop what he was doing. The fondling changed, over time, to intense groping, and so forth and so on, until it got much worse! I never told my mother because daddy made me promise not to and said it was our secret and that mommy would be made at me if I told on daddy.
Then one day, at the age of 7 ½, when my baby brother was born, it all stopped. That was a blessing, but my dad then began ignoring me, not coming into my room anymore, and spending all his time with his first born son. I, being 7 ½ and not understanding why my daddy wasn’t showing me love anymore or wasn’t coming into my room anymore, was hard for me to comprehend. He never molested any of my other siblings, I made sure of that, as I was their protector. I would always follow him around when he would go to their rooms without my mom and 95% of the time I would sleep in their rooms, or have them sleep in mine.
As, I got older and older, I continued to bury and hide what happened to me as a child. My mother never found out until a few months ago, when I told her what he did. The only person to know is my husband. What happened to me as a child, caused many different negative effects in my life such as, low self-esteem, which I still have today, promiscuity as a teen, trying to find love in all different types of men, most of which were older. I was always trying to find that daddy figure. I had no luck with older men so I started dating younger men to “protect and take care of”. I was then used and emotionally abused by a lot of them. I was told I would never be able to find anyone else; I was ugly, stupid and dumb. Then one day I met a young man who would forever change my life and the life of my baby girl I had out of wedlock. My husband!! An amazing man, who picked me up and showed me what it was like to be treated by a man!! He is still, to this day, helping me open up and get the past out, building my self-esteem, and helped encourage me to rebuild my life and go back to school!! After 13 years of being out of school, with his encouragement and support, I did just that. I graduated tech school and became an LPN, which was a big accomplishment for me; because whenever things got tough, I would usually quit everything I set out to do for fear of rejection and disapproval.
How are you now?
Today, I am slowly getting better, my self-esteem is higher than before and I am able to share my story and help others, whom may not be quite able to speak for themselves yet. I am a lover and I love to help others. I now have 2 children…a 14 year old son and a 20 year old daughter. I am able to love them and be a better mother to them now, due to therapy and a loving and supportive husband. I am back in school for my business degree, so that I might soon be able to open my own business. The stuff I went through in my life has not gone away or been forgotten, but each day gets easier and easier to cope with and I don’t hate myself and feel as ugly as I used to when I kept everything bottled in.
What would you like to tell the world about Domestic Violence?
What my message to others regarding domestic violence would be is to never be afraid to share with others what is, or has happened to you physically, emotionally, or sexually, because you may help someone else. You don’t deserve what has or is happening to you, male or female!! You are a beautiful and strong person, who deserves the best and fine things in life. Never let anyone tell you otherwise!! You have the power to change your life and the life of others!! God Bless You!
The Comeback Kid